3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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