do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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