Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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