My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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