I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
