I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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