Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You've changed since you got that strap on
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
