im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
