her vagine was all disorganized.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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