btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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