So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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