i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
