The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
