Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
