i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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