her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
