I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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