ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and she was petting her beer can
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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