4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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