but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
