The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
