i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
