Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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