their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You are the jesus of drinking
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
