Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
