Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
