Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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