nut hugger
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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