Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
