he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
