There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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