Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
