I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
