Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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