Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
