no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Pants are for mortals
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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