whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
