kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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