she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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