You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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