??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
wanna go halves on a baby?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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