He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
