Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
