How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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