My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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