I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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