I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Randomize
