6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
