He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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