I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
