I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
