she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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