I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
